What to Count on When You Can't Count on Your Husband

There are some stories that are yours alone.  Others are shared and those remain only partly told because the other part of the story belongs to someone else and it just isn't for you to tell it.  That's how marriage is.  I have friends who have heard those stories -- because my husband knows I need to share them with trusted people and he has opened to that for my sake.  I will share here that my marriage, like most marriages, has  had its hills and valleys.  We have endured trials together and we have regrettably imposed trials upon one another in various seasons.

You see, years ago, people took the idea of a vow seriously.  The committed spoken words of, "I do" meant forever until death and it meant riding out serious highs and lows.  It meant the lows.  It meant sickness, poverty, brokenness, distance, growing pains, bad days, bad moods, PMS, stress, grief, house repairs, car repairs, crises with the children, long work hours and all other sorts of ills which beset marriages everywhere.  God knows what fickle hearts we have and He knows we need a covenant to make us bound together.  We marry and it is one of two covenant relationships in the whole known universe.  The first is the covenant God makes with us.  The second is marriage.  I'm not sure if that knocks the wind out of you as it does me, but it gives me pause to be sure.  In the marriage relationship a spiritually mysterious reality occurs: the two become one.  Have you thought about that lately?  Your husband is one with you.  He's not that guy who is on your nerves or not doing what you want or failing your expectations (though he may be any and all of those too).  He is one with you.

Fear Not

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

No one wants to be afraid.  When I was growing up, other kids occasionally teased me with names like "Scaredy-Cat" or "Chicken" and I was bound and determined not to live up to those labels.  But if we are honest with ourselves and we pause and look behind the curtain, we see fear in our own hearts.  Fear can run our lives.  It is silent and subtle, but it is often a determining factor in many choices we make and in how we relate to others. 

God knows we are prone to fear.  In His Word He says "Fear not" or "Be Anxious in Nothing" many times over.  He tells us that He hasn't given us a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind.  Yet, we can still experience fear, and He knows we will.  That is why He spent so much time telling us not to be afraid.  But He doesn't just say, "Don't be afraid," He also says what to do instead.

So You Think You Want to Homeschool ... But what if your kids are wierd? (Part 7 - last in series)

We've been going through a series addressing concerns that face many families as they consider home education.  We've addressed issues like adjusting to your first year, picking curriculum, juggling the demands of multiple children, overcoming perfectionism, coming to an agreement with your husband, social opportunities for homeschoolers, preparing your child for college as a homeschooler, teaching subjects which are not your forte and learning to work in time alone when you are around your children all the time.  The last concern I will address in this series is
#10: Are my kids going to be weird?  (I'm just sayin') ...

You may want to watch this humorous video to hear seven lies people believe about homeschoolers and some of what the reality is like for most of us.

Together

You should see them.  The two of them, bundled under a blanket reading a book.  Big brother arm around little wide-eyed brother as they soak in a story together in the warmth of their friendship.  You should see them -- the two of them -- as they wrestle around and play made up games with rules only they know in the secrets of their brotherhood.

We used to be two.  Me and my sweet husband.  We had to wait to have our first.  When I heard I was pregnant there weren't words or songs to describe my joy.  And several months later we found out about her.  Our niece in great need whom we had never met because of the lost and broken life of my husband's brother.  And we took her in to be our own only three months after our first was born.  Together we committed to her.  And we were on the roller coaster together.  All four of us a brand-new family of strangers who meant the world to one another.

She left when her mom got it together and we were left just three.  And it never was the same and it wasn't quite complete.

Grief leaves its marks and together we had to overcome that loss and make life enough again.

And six years later after the loss of our niece God gave us our second son.  My oldest said, "Sometimes God answers prayers slowly because, Mom, I've been praying for a baby brother or sister for two years."  And in his then-six-year-old life that WAS slowly.  But God did answer. 

And together those boys just might conquer the world as they have surely conquered my heart.  They say "phileo" is brotherly love.  We have it in spades over here -- and God is what holds us together.

Stop.  

Our Little Daily Crosses

Jesus said, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." I've been thinking lately about those daily crosses. Into daily life come little inconveniences which require me to set aside what I planned to do and remind me to look to the needs of others.  Some seasons have larger crosses -- when health fails or finances dwindle and resources are tight; when children suffer or friends have burdens that weigh heavy on the mind.  The crosses of relational harm and misunderstanding leave scars and wounds too painful to ignore.  And yet, to be His disciple (student, follower, imitator) I am to take these up and follow Him.

Jesus echoed this idea six times in scripture and may have said it other unrecorded times.  It obviously was and is a vital message to his followers.  One of these incidents gives me pause:  We call him the "rich young ruler" and when he came to Jesus calling Him good and asking what he must do to be saved, this is what happened: Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, "One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me." As I read through this passage in Mark 10:21 today I was struck by something I hadn't made note of before.  Jesus, beholding him, loved him.  Jesus loved him.  Jesus loves you in this same way.  And, everything he says to this young ruler was said from that eternal, incomprehensible, self-denying love.  He says, "you lack something," in other words, something stands in the way of your heart coming freely to me.  He says that to you and He says it to me.  We have little idol factories in our hearts and without thought we manufacture things to worship and those things block the way to Jesus.  We must be rid of them.  For this man it was wealth.  We can idolize our children, our marriages, our friendships, our fitness (or the striving for fitness), finances, addictive behaviors or substances.  And those things must be named and they must be given away so we can follow Him. They must take their rightful place in order that He can take His. 

Jesus then admonishes this man to "take up his cross" and follow Jesus.  He says this same command and instruction again in Matt 10: 37-8, Matt 16:24, Mark 8:34, Luke 9:23 and Luke 14:27.  Sometimes he adds that we need to take up our cross, deny ourselves and follow Him.  Other times He says we won't be worthy (equal, congruent with Him) if we do not do this.  When Jesus calls us to deny ourselves He means for us to to "forget our self, lose sight of our self and our own interests" (in the Greek).  How do we lose sight of ourselves?  It's like me telling you not to think about elephants.  There you go.  Thinking about an elephant.  We don't forget something by thinking about it.  But, God knows this and He gives us alternatives.  He tells us to fix our hearts on the things above, not of this earth (Col 3).  He tells us to have the same mind as Christ had, thinking of others as more important than ourselves (Php 2) and He tells us to fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith (Heb 12).  Self-forgetting means God-remembering.  When we are fixed on Him, we are not distracted by self.

What does this self-denial look like in the day-to-day of our lives?  It means when my four-year-old comes and wants to play Candyland (which to me is akin to Chinese-water-torture), I fix my eyes not on my own comfort or desires, but on his desire to connect and play something he enjoys with me.  I set aside my wishes for his.  It means when my husband wants to talk about details of his day and I really want to check my Facebook notifications, I set the computer down and give him my undivided attention because he matters and I love him.  By letting his need be more important than my little habit of social media, I am dying to self and showing him (and Jesus) love.  Little crosses.  Little deaths to self.  Insignificant as these seem, they are the way of the cross.  The cross-centered life means giving up of my way, my wants, my desires, my comfort so that I can love you and thereby love Him simultaneously.  And we all have daily little crosses. 

Sometimes the crosses are heavier.  They are more burdensome.  There are offenses and rejections from friends and loved ones that sting like a barbed arrow into our heart.  There are afflictions like cancer, MS, or other illnesses which beset us or our loved ones.  And still Jesus encourages us to take them up.  In Greek the word for take up means to "raise up" or "bear."  As it is used in the verses in Matthew it means "to take what is one's own, or to take to one's self and make one's own."  I need to make these burdens my own as Jesus made the cross His own.  He bore it for me -- for you.  I can bear these afflictions for Him.  I have a few friends whose children are seriously ill.  One friend has a son with diabetes.  She gets up many times each night and checks his blood sugar, administers medications or protein, prays, serves and sacrifices.  Her life is one of constant vigilance for his sake.  She is taking up her cross.  I have another friend whose daughter suffers from severe eczema.  Her daughter wakes scratching herself and crying from the pain of itching.  She wakes and gives her daughter a bath to soothe her.  My friend is tired and weary of the constant giving and her own sleep deprivation, but she is taking up her cross.  She is making the suffering of her daughter her own.  She is bearing it

Matthew Henry said, "We must accustom ourselves to all instances of self-denial and patience.  This is the best preparative for martyrdom. We must live a life of self-denial, mortification [putting ourselves to death], and contempt of the world; we must not indulge our ease and appetite, for then it will be hard to bear toil, and weariness, and want, for Christ. We are daily subject to affliction, and we must accommodate ourselves to it, and acquiesce in the will of God in it, and must learn to endure hardship. We frequently meet with crosses in the way of duty; and, though we must not pull them upon our own heads, yet, when they are laid for us, we must take them up, carry them after Christ, and make the best of them." This type of self-denial and death to self is no longer popular in our world -- even our Christian circles.  But, Jesus isn't about popular.  His message is the same today as it was when He walked among men and said these life-shaking comments years ago. 

Strong's defines the cross as "a well known instrument of most cruel and ignominious punishment, borrowed by the Greeks and Romans from the Phoenicians; to it were affixed among the Romans, down to the time of Constantine the Great, the guiltiest criminals, particularly the basest slaves, robbers, the authors and abetters of insurrections, and occasionally in the provinces, at the arbitrary pleasure of the governors, upright and peaceable men also, and even Roman citizens themselves."  The cross isn't cozy.  It is a tool of death.  It hurts.  It is uncomfortable.  It is sometimes shameful and lonely.  Why should our cross be any different than His? 

We must take up this instrument and to it we must affix our own self.  And we take it up as Jesus did.  In Hebrews 12: 2 we are told Jesus took up the cross and thereby "finished our faith" and He did it "for the joy that was set before him."  He "endured the cross, despising [disregarding, thinking nothing of] the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God."  This is the promise of the cross.  We can take it up, as painful as it may be, and we can do it with joy set before us.  The cross is the precursor to resurrection.  There must be a death before there can be new life.  We must die to self and in that dying we will be reborn in newness and more Christ-likeness.  The cross is never the final word for Christians.  It is a pathway to freedom and joy and wholeness.

Mike Donehey of the band, Tenth Avenue North, said,

The cross is evidence to our minds, and balm for our souls that our God is a God who brings beauty out of pain. Art out of chaos. Beauty out of ugliness. Or as some of the poets have said, He conquers death by death itself. Our Redeemer beat Death at his own game.

Hope rises.

When we trust Christ, and the mysterious work on Calvary, we trust that He’s always up to something good even in the darkest days. In fact, that’s probably when He’s up to the most good, because that’s when the most good grows in me.

Each cross has its purposes and every cross promises blessings as fruit of our suffering.  In 1 Cor 1:18 Paul reminds us that the cross seems foolish to those who are perishing (the ones who are rejecting Jesus), but to us who are saved it is the power of God.  The cross is the way of power.  As in most things in God's kingdom there is this upside-down way.  We go to death and we find power.  We let go of our way and we find strength.  We suffer and we are freed.  It seems foolish in the world's eye to let go of our way, to yield to the troubles life brings and allow them to have their way in our heart and character.  But, in God's economy, this is the way of peace and life.  It is the crushing of the wheat that produces flour which has so many uses.  It is the crushing of our will that produces great usefulness as well. 

Paul reminds us in Gal 6:14 that through the cross we are crucified to the world and the world is crucified to us.  We can boast only in this cross -- the cross of Jesus.  It is the gate that leads us to relationship with God and it is the act which showed His love like nothing else before or since.  Ultimately the cross is a tool of reconciliation (Eph 2:16).  Through the cross Jesus reconciled us to God; He reconciled all people to one another; and He offered forgiveness to all.  Through my crosses I can do the same.  I can offer forgiveness because it was offered to me and at a great price.  I can show love -- and I can show it at a cost to myself.  But, unlike Jesus, who was forsaken for our sakes, when we take up our crosses we are not forsaken, but we are united to Him even more than before.  So, whether it be inconveniences or burdens we can bear these crosses with an eye to what they hold: the joy set before us as we grow in Him and His love.

Character vs. Conduct - Part III

So far in this series we have been looking at the developing of a noble character in our children.  In my first post we looked at what character is and in my second post we looked at the process by which God develops character.  We left off thinking of character development being rooted and grounded in love and we looked at the vital role of parental modeling by way of our own abiding relationship in Jesus as we acknowledge that more is caught than taught.  I mentioned at the end of my last post that I was going to tackle the concept of consequences and what role (if any) they play in character formation.  

As I thought and prayed about this post, I really spent time thinking through my own experiences – what has brought around significant change in my character throughout my life?  And I thought about my two sons – what areas do I see strength (even nobility) in their character and what seems to have brought that to pass?  These are really interesting questions to ponder.  I encourage you to think them through. 

One thing that has become evident to me as I have been thinking through character and conduct is that I think we tend to confound two different aspects of parenting.  One aspect is the necessary role of discipline or instruction of our children and the other aspect is the cultivation of character.  I think there is a good reason that we mingle these two together – at least the more I looked at my own tendencies, I found out some things which were important to see.  If I believe that something I do is bound to produce a lasting character change in my child, I feel more of a sense of control.  Parenting is a wild ride to say the least.  From the moment of conception we are profoundly connected to another human being and that person is dependent upon us in a way that is truly overwhelming and precious.  From birth onward their lives are intimately woven into our souls.  Now, top that off with some normal issues like the need to have others like and approve of us or the need to feel like we can keep our children from harm, and we have a formula for needing a sense of control.  The more fear we feel, the more we need power over them and their lives.  So, we are tempted to grasp onto parenting beliefs and methods which help us quell those fears and give us a pseudo-comfort.  One of the things we are bound to do is to tell ourselves that the discipline approaches we choose are invariably going to lead to positive outcome in the character of our children.  And, when we see immediate results in their conduct, we feel better.  We tell ourselves that this compliance is good fruit.  

Discipline (instruction) is necessary and I am sure I will go into that further in future posts, but for our sake here, I want to sort of set it aside because the more I look at it, the more I see that we will never create good character through discipline alone.  There are several good reasons this is so.  

For one thing, outward conformity (conduct) is not a proof of inward transformation.  We ask our children to practice certain habits and demonstrate certain behaviors, but those habits and behaviors in themselves (though very good) are empty, according to Jesus if they are not rooted in a relationship with Him and fueled by our love for Him and His grace and love for us.  Remember the Pharissees?  They were called "white-washed tombs" because they were perfect in their conduct, but they lacked character to support the conduct.  No one wants to be in the business of instilling a Pharisee heart in their own child, but too much emphasis on conduct will do just that – it is legalism plain and simple.  

Dallas Willard said we must become the type of people who would easily do the things that Jesus commands us to do.  That is character: when our knee-jerk reaction is to bless and not curse or to tell the truth or to give and sacrifice.  And, as Dallas taught (echoing teachings of the wise Jesus followers from many previous generations) character like that comes by practicing spiritual disciplines in an abiding life.  As we dwell with Jesus, He leads us into an ever deepening relationship with God and from that relationship comes the power to be the people He wants us to be.   This is true for us, and it is true for our children.  

We desire a deep and pervasive goodness in our children and we must know that much of that territory is not ours to touch.  Just as the internal organs are "out of reach" and "protected" from the direct touch of a human being, God has placed the character of our children out of our direct reach.  We can touch the "skin," but not the essence.  That territory is His alone.  

"Eternal living is an interactive relationship with God that touches us to the deepest core of our being and gives us the strength not only to envision what is good, but to live for it. Walking in that relationship transforms the inner dimensions of human personality. That’s what is called integrity. Integrity is a matter of all the dimensions of yourself being integrated with one another so that they function together because you have brought your will to trust in God and through that, every dimension of your personality—your mind, your body, your feelings, what your body is ready to do, and the depths of your soul, which is normally fractured by sin—is healed." ~ Dallas Willard (quote via Elane O'Rourke)

Our children are fractured as we are.  We all have sin in our hearts.  Nothing – no great parenting approach, no educational method, no group of godly friends and perfect environment – will ever heal that fracture.  The only restorative agent in the entire universe is the love of God at home in that same fractured heart.  And, when a person does allow Him in, the healing begins and persists because it is for freedom that He sets us free and He just won’t settle for less than that.  He is relentless about our character development.  It is His very will. 

As Charlotte Mason wrote, “… character is original disposition, modified, directed, expanded by education, by circumstances; later, by self-control and self-culture; above all, by the supreme agency of the Holy Spirit, even when that agency is little suspected and as little solicited … character is not the outcome of a formative educational process; but inherent tendencies are played upon, more or less incidentally, and the outcome is character.”

I hear this: character is a part of God’s original design and we don’t have to pour it in or train it up as much as we have to draw it out.  He already created character within your child and mine.  It is in His image and yet uniquely them.  Yes, it is marred by sin, but it is also present and alive.  And it will be impacted by circumstances, and expanded – yes expanded – by education, but ABOVE ALL the Holy Spirit will act upon the character of a child in a subtle and imperceptible way over time.  God breathes through us, so completely and so gently we hardly feel it.  And, hear this, what I heard: the process is not overt and formulaic.  It is somewhat nebulous and unseen.  

God is at work at every level to transform us once we are His.  And this is true of our children as well.  We are given the privilege of partnering in that process, but let us not fool ourselves into thinking our contribution to be greater than it is.  God is at work in our children to will and do His good pleasure.  It is not our parenting which will render a character, but His good and perfect will and His loving touch.

Character development is much like cultivating a garden.  We till and amend the soil, we plant good seed, we water, nourish, weed, and in due season we see fruit.  The fruit of child rearing may not be in the season of planting and tending.  It may come much later.  And, as in gardening there are all sorts of variables which will bear influence on the process and the outcome.  

I'm harping on this fact -- the fact that so much relies on being in right relationship to God (the child coming into that relationship sincerely and then growing bit by bit in an interactive relationship) because I know the temptation to take a more prominent role in the process than is right or good.  Character development in a child may be boiled down to trust.  It may simply come down to our abiilty to entrust our children to their loving God and then to fix our eyes on Him and on our own walk with Him.  It involves by way of practice the allowance of natural consequences -- with no need on our part to enhance, highlight nor diminish those -- and it must be bathed in prayer.  

If you are like me and after all this talk about letting go and knowing it is God at work you still crave some marching orders, I would say this:  if you want to develop a noble character in your child, abide in God's love yourself; keep your eyes on your own walk; love others (including your spouse and your children) despite their failings; allow natural consequences to have their impact unhindered; and pray.  

I truly intended to talk about consequences, and yet, God took me down this trail instead.  I am relatively sure my next post (and final in this series) will be about the role of education in character formation and what we can do (oh, how we want to do something!) to help shine a light while the fruit of character is growing in unseen places.  Join me here for more in a few days if you will …

When Growing Pains Get the Best of Me

I've got those growing pains again.  The ones that wrap around my heart while you lay sleeping sweetly in your bed all half-boy, half-man and unaware.  If only you knew the ache of a mother's heart for you -- the joy-giving, cliff-hanging moments of motherhood that catch me up and dare me to care this much.  I think back to the birthing of you with the growing pains of welcoming you into this world.  I had waited and you were not coming and they had to rush us into the emergency room to help you along.  And when you came, I felt Niagra Falls in my heart and couldn't hold back the outburst of "I love you."  All the nights of rocking back and forth one leg to the other -- no aerobics class ever prepared me to rock like that.  And you soothed in my arms after the hard work of helping you settle.  Those frazzled dear early months of your life were long and short simultaneously. 

Tonight I sit alone on the couch, writing my rememberences after having written you your last "tooth fairy" note.  It will be the last time this tooth fairy ever sneaks in your room, lifts your pillow in that quiet way and puts a bit of cash and a silly note there for you to read excitedly in the morning.  And I have some serious growing pains tonight.  I think back to the first time the tooth fairy came to you and you were so exuberant, running down the hall the next morning, note in hand and money and treat in the other.  You read the note to me with such sincerity and then somberly turned to me and asked me to give you back your teeth.  How did you know!  You were on to me and I had to confess without confessing so that you could keep your trust and we could keep our game.  And ever since you have obliged us both with the reading of the note in the morning.  It is our sweet secret -- the identity of your own tooth fairy.

Who knows how many "lasts" I have missed while my eyes were blurry and my heart was elsewhere or we just assumed more were coming.  I can look back and say, remember when, and it is no more.  I don't lament your growing into a more dynamic and mature and amazing boy.  I love the privilege of having a front-row-seat in your life.  But I miss you each time you outgrow a shoe or a habit or a quirk and I have to pause and say, "goodbye" to just a little piece of you.  It is preparation.  I'm in the letting-go bootcamp and I'm getting worked over in the process.  A wise friend said, "It is the letting go that helps them want to come back."  I'll get there.  Thankfully I have years ahead to hone those skills.  Tonight we say farewell to the tooth fairy.  And they don't call them growing pains for nothing.  

Intention

She put a photo at the top of her blog of a whiteboard bursting with the words "intention" and "intent" marked all over it.  Scrawled out were heart-felt wishes and dreams ... trying to tie them up, capture them, live them out fully.  Be a good mom.  Honor my husband.  Serve God.  Minister to others.  Educate my children.  Live Healthy.  Ideals and goals of intention crying for fulfillment in her. 

I know that ache pulsing inside my heart: crying out to fulfill lofty aspirations where it matters.  Lately I am acutely aware of being called (by God and through friends who love me) to be intentional.  Doesn't that word get used up? But, still, it is so true -- we need to determine what matters, what really matters, and go for it. Life can get just used up with the "to dos" and the "shoulds" and the laundry of it all -- washing and rewashing and wishing and rewishing.  Nike's onto something.  But, then again, there is more to the "doing it" than just doing.


I'm at this juncture where I have to jump off -- like a boat is leaving the dock and there's just no way around it.  I either jump on the boat or stay on the dock and either way I don't do the other.  There's no more straddling left.  And what is it I straddle?  It is the need to grow further in trust and faith and to do so requires just "doing it."  My other foot clings to what is known and seemingly sturdy but just will not take me out where I need to go.  I hear Him call like a voice through a wooded glen ... echoing softly through my soul.  He is saying, "take this next step" and I must.  How can I not?  You'd be surprised where it leads.  It's not to more doing -- but more to my gracious undoing and not doing.

Sometimes the less is the more.  God is asking me to release frenetic planning and come away to quiet places.  I feel it strong.  The pull to be still and know.  He woos and I must go to Him.  There are sloughs between us in this wood -- sloughs of fear and past wounds, of defenses long-lost of their usefulness and of habits chosen once and now imposing.  But, He is greater than all of those.  He is the persistent Hound of Heaven.  He wants me wholly and will not  be hindered in His pursuit  He died to set me free and I all too often I will settle for half-freedom because it is good enough and comfortable enough.  But the way of the cross isn't like that.  The gospel record of His call is not a half-baked, come when you will, do just a bit, go bury your dead and take some time off type of call.  He calls and He comes and who can stand against that fire without feeling the heat?

How gentle and severe He is and He is calling me to join Him in real, abundant life.  Always there is a cross before the resurrection.  Always the cross.  Do we sweat the death so much that we would not take the cup?  We will come, as He did, to the place of "not my will, but Thine" and even fearing what that could mean, we can go with Him.  And when we do, as He did, we find the joy set before us in Him.

Will I go?  Will I do it -- be undone, be less in the doing and more in the being?  I am on my way.  Lacing up the Nike's and running to the arms that hung for me.  

And, I hope you do -- I trust you are going and will go.  What else will we take from this life but that very place we run to, that very Person who calls us, and the very person we become in the going? 

New Mercies

This was our schedule style for the current school year.  I love my little schedule.  Isn't it pretty, all color-coded and organized?  In all sincerity I had spent hours organizing our time according to what I gathered and researched for our learning this year.  I made a master plan and from that laid out our weeks.  Every six weeks we take a week off and I use a smidge of that week to fill out the schedules for the coming six weeks.   Our schedule each week has a bit of everything – the vital time in God’s Word and singing Hymns to start our day; we explore poetry, literature, history, science, math, foreign languages, reading aloud, reading independently, oral narration, written narration, improving writing skills, language arts, art, music, composers, copywork, dictation and geography.  Most weeks we go out in nature and paint one morning (not shown in this week below).  We don’t follow the times exactly, they are a plan, not a rule, but it is a guide to help me know what is realistic in a day with 20-30 minute lessons. 

	M – Oct 7	T – Oct 8	W – Oct 9	Th – Oct 10 = HOME	F  - Oct 11
7-8	Breakfast, etc [Piano]	Breakfast, etc  [Piano]	Breakfast, etc [Piano]	Breakfast, etc,[Piano]	Mom to LA Boys to St. Claire’s Math Worksheet A Time to Build History of US (32) Written Narration Abe Lincoln’s World p208-216 Note 3 points of each topic Copywork Gettysburg Address Recite to Miss Rachel German Words
8:00	Hymn, Bible, Scripture	Hymn, Bible, Scripture	Hymn, Bible, Scripture	Hymn, Bible, Scripture
8:20	Math LOF Ch 5 History of US (29)  Written Narration Latin	Math Khan (2)	Math Khan (2) History of US (31) Written Narration Latin	It Just Couldn’t Hppn
8:40		Latin		Math: Khan (2)
9:00		Science for Co-Op 5.1, 5.2, 5.3		Latin
9:20	Streams of Civ 189-93		Copywork/R&S (34-5)	Dictation/R&S (36-7)
9:40	Paddle to the Sea Lessons 5.1 & 5.2	Dictation/Spelling (8)	Streams of Civ 193-6	Paddle to Sea 5:5 & 5.6
10:00		German Song & Languag	Plutarch (8) (snack)	Shakespeare
10:20	Pick up Paulie 10:20a	Read Aloud Hellen Keller	History of US (30)	European & Local Geography /Timeline: Centennial, T.A.Edison
10:40			Poetry/School in the Woods	Picture Study/Artist Great Artists p. 38 Still Life in Melted Crayon
11:00	Go Skating From 11-12:10	Paddle to the Sea Lesson 5.3 & 5.4	German History: H.E. Marshall
11:20
11:40		Composer Study (Mozart)	Pick Up Paulie	HERC Class
12:00		Lunch (Composer)	Lunch (Composer) Piano/Read to Paulie Quiet Room Time
12:20	12:30 Art	Leave @ 12:30 pm Science
12:40
1:00
1:30			Family Contribution
1:45
2:00	PIano		Read: Hellen Keller
2:30			Family Contribution
3:00	Grocery
3:30
4:00
5-6
7-8	A. Judson	Catechism/ T&T	A  Judson

If you followed my post about Lighting a Fire you are tracking with me in my struggle to grow into the next good thing God has for our home education.  But, it really amounts to more than that.  Doesn't it always?  Things are never just about what they are on the surface.  Yes, I need to change from becoming an anxious task-master when I feel the internal, self-created pressure cooker, to being more loving and peaceful despite our keeping to "the schedule."  That's a given.  And, it goes without saying that we have good, even great, days of learning and wonderful family relationships over here. 

The bigger picture is this:  I need to grow into trusting God more and relying on myself less.  What happens when I don't have a tool for controlling our days?  Whenever I let go of the illusion of control, we actually have better days -- way better days.  But, something in my soul resists this change.  I want certainty.  I want some inner-confirmation that what I choose will result in long-term goodness for my sons.  And that anxiety and the sheer overwhelm of trying to keep too many plates in the air can make me a frazzled, frustrated mom who does not act the way I wish I would.  Haven't we all been there?

We really just can't serve two masters.  We can't be in charge of the day and give the day over to God simultaneously.  I sense His inner urging and I must make the choice to go with him.  Schedules aren't bad.  A plan can be a wonderful tool.  The problem is one of supremacy.  What is at the center, the plan or Jesus?

Sometimes I look at what we could cut out of our day -- when the day is careening ahead and we haven't nearly kept up with the "list" of what I thought should fit in.  I realize I could cut almost everything and my son would still survive -- even thrive.  I made this plan after all.  I picked Plutarch and Shakespeare and Longfellow and Khan Academy and each History and Literature selection.  When I look at each subject, any of them could be set aside.  None of this is the "stuff of life" though it is all wonderful and beautiful in its own way.  The key isn't the WHAT it is the HOW.  If I keep the needful things at the center of my life and heart, I will facilitate the atmosphere which is conducive to a life-long love of learning and so much more. 

 So, this morning, I tweaked the "schedule."  Notice the lack of times on the side.  These are now lists of what we can hope to study during a given day.  There are times for when I'll be with my son for learning -- so we can anticipate that and be available together.  Also, any outside commitments are on the weekly plan so that we both know of those.  Much more grace and flexibility in this than the other one - still color coded, though (hey, a girl can only give up so much at a time!).  At a deeper level it is a step over that threshold: letting go and trusting God. He made children with a natural love for knowledge. 

M – Oct 7	T – Oct 8	W – Oct 9	Th – Oct 10 = HOME	F  - Oct 11
Breakfast, etc [Piano] Hymn, Bible, Scripture	Breakfast, etc  [Piano] Hymn, Bible, Scripture	Breakfast, etc [Piano] Hymn, Bible, Scripture	Breakfast, etc,[Piano] Hymn, Bible, Scripture	Mom to LA Boys to St. Claire’s Math Worksheet A Time to Build History of US (32) Written Narration Abe Lincoln’s World p208-216 Note 3 points of each topic Copywork Gettysburg Address Recite to Miss Rachel German Words
·    Math LOF Ch 5/play ·    History of US (29)  ·    Written Narration ·    Latin ·    Paddle to the Sea ·    Lessons 5.1 & 5.2	·    Math Khan (2) ·    Latin ·    Science for Co-Op     5.1, 5.2, 5.3 ·    German ·    Paddle to the Sea Lesson 5.3 & 5.4	·    Math Khan (2) ·    History of US (30,31) ·    Written Narration ·    Latin ·    Copywork	·    It Just Couldn’t Hppn ·    Math: Khan (2) ·    Latin ·    Paddle to Sea      5:5 & 5.6 ·    Eur & Local Geo ·    Timeline: Centennial, T.A.Edison
10:00 Mom Streams of Civ 189-93	10:30 Mom ·    Dictation ·    Spelling (8) ·    Read Aloud Hellen Keller ·    Composer Study (Mozart)	9:30 Mom ·    R&S (34-5) ·    Streams of Civ p193-6 ·    Plutarch (8) (snack) ·    Poetry ·    School in the Woods ·    German History	10:00 Mom ·    Dictation ·    R&S (36-7) ·    Shakespeare
Pick up Paulie 10:20a			10:45 Picture Study/Artist Great Artists p. 38 Still Life in Melted Crayon
Go Skating From 11-12:10
		Pick Up Paulie	12-2:30 HERC Class
12:30 Art	Leave @ 12:30 pm Science
2:00 Piano Lesson
A. Judson	Catechism/ T&T	A  Judson

As Charlotte Mason says:
"The theory has been,––put a child in the right environment and so subtle is its influence, so permanent its effects that he is to all intents and purposes educated thereby. Schools may add Latin and sums and whatever else their curriculum contains, but the actual education is, as it were, performed upon a child by means of colour schemes, harmonious sounds, beautiful forms, gracious persons. He grows up aesthetically educated into sweet reasonableness and harmony with his surroundings."
{emphasis mine}

Where is God challenging you to grow in your parenting and educating life these days?  I'd love to hear.