When Homeschool Burn Out Hits Hard

Do you sometimes feel like a big failure as a homeschool mom?  We put so much of ourselves into this process of teaching our children at home and we sometimes just hit the wall.  Hard.  I've sure been there. 
We all feel this way at different times. I was recently thinking of the difference between this year (which has been really fantastic for us so far) and last year (which was full of stress and many tears and often a feeling of not being able to ever get it together). We were spread so thin with my oldest son participating in a very demanding extracurricular along with his once-a-week Enrichment classes and other commitments.  We ended up trying to pack all our formal learning into 3 1/2 days and it just felt so frenetic and crazy most of the time.  I was frazzled.  We had way too much going on and I was plain-and-simple burnt out. 

I happened to bump into a dear friend one day and we got to talking in a parking lot and she said, "Take 10 days off." Oh my word. Are you kidding me? She said, "You would tell me to do that." (I would? oh, yeah, I guess I would.)  You see, somehow I have this standard for me that is different from my standard for all the rest of you.  But, desperate times call for desperate measures.  So, this perfectionistic, driven homeschooler considered a friend's wise encouragement. 

I ended up taking my friend's advice. I took off for two whole weeks. At first I was crazy neurotic about "falling behind" and all that, but I just couldn't go forward.   During our two weeks off, we did read aloud a bit and my son still did some math (because I didn't tell him we were officially off till later in the two weeks just in case!).  I started to breathe. And, you know what? When we got back in the swing of things we were all refreshed and I had revived my sense of "Oh I know why I do this home educating thing" and we were able to get things learned much more quickly because we were revitalized. It wasn't perfect. The whole year was a hard one in some ways -- at least through March with our over-commitment -- but we did much better after that break. 

Through that experience I learned a big lesson about taking breaks.  They aren't optional.  We nailed down a six-weeks-on, one-week-off rotation for our homeschool which gives us enough undivided time for learning and then that glorious seventh week of rest -- it's a sabbath week.  And we always seem to need it just when it comes around.  I also used the summer months after that crazy year to take a hard look at what we were trying to do with our time.  We all have heard the wisdom -- add in something new, take out something you were already doing.  Well, I just thought that was for "other people."  Humble pie.  I realized we had to cut things out and we had to say, "no."  If you have not yet done this excruciating practice, let me just forewarn you it is tough stuff.  I mean, there are so many wonderful things we can say "yes" to.  But, a dear friend reminded me that just because something is good doesn't mean it is good for me and my family.  So we backed out of that really big commitment, which just so happened to be my son's very favorite thing he had ever done in his life (quoting here).  And we backed out of taking enrichment classes -- which means we don't as easily or as often see our good friends who go there.  And we said, "no" to formally being on a soccer team and "no" to taking on gymnastics and a myriad of other opportunities.  And even now, we have to keep up this practice of "no, thanks."  We get invites to park dates and classes and field trips.  We don't say, "no" to all of them, but we are super-choosey.  It means missing out on a lot of things, but it also means we are home enough to get things done educationally and we are not running like mad hens from one thing to the next.  And, you know, my dear friend saw us the other day and she commented on how very content my son seems this year.  It's paying off. 

There will be seasons of really being productive and seasons when life hits us with a blindside and for one reason or another we have to slow or stop.  When you give birth, when your infant starts to toddle (aka tear apart the house like a team of demolition specialists), when you add in a child to the number you are formally "schooling," when you move, your spouse changes a job, your car breaks down, you get ill, your children get ill, you have houseguests ... it goes on and on.  Life has disruptions and they do impact our ability to educate for a time.  Give yourself the same grace you would extend to a friend in your shoes.  You will get back to educating in some organized manner in due time.  Find out what works in the season you find yourself.  Stop pining away for the ideal and live in what is real.  We are in this for the long haul with our children and we have to know that there will be times of big-impact learning and times of learning other not-so-measurable, but oh-so-valuable skills like how to get along with others, how to entertain yourself when you are bored, how to sacrifice for the needs of others and how to give yourself grace (which they will learn as they watch you extend it to yourself now). 

When we look honestly at the wall, it is often our own expectations of ourselves that cause us to just want to quit.  We just don't let ourselves off the hook. We can be so hard on ourselves and set such high expectations that we just feel worn out before we even begin.  Our children are learning all the time.  We have to remember that. I remember sweating it out that my oldest son couldn't keep his parts of speech straight in second grade. I went to the resource center downtown and made this fancy chart with pockets labeled for each part of speech.  It took me longer to make the chart than it did for him to learn the parts of speech. Once we sat down and went over it a few times, he got it. That experience was an "ah-ha" for me. We can stress over our children's learning and we forget that they will learn in time.  And we will never teach them everything they need to know.  Is that what any school is doing?  Why do we expect it of ourselves?  Think about all you learned in life.  Did you retain all you learned in elementary school?  Jr. High?  High School?  So much of what I know now, I have learned while I was teaching my children.  We can go on learning forever and so can our children.  They have time.  You have time.  We feel like we fall behind, but so much can be caught easily later. I'm not talking about just eating bon bons year after year and hoping the kids turn out okay.  What I am talking about is being realistic about what you are able to do in each season for each child and then letting go of what is beyond a realistic expectation.  You see, God already knows your limits and He has chosen you to educate these children -- knowing what seasons you will pass through and what challenges you will face, and even knowing about this time of burn-out right now.  I'm pretty sure He has a plan and the resources to fill in the blanks. Trust Him more than you trust yourself. 

Sometimes in the burn-out we lose sight of why we are doing what we do.  It can help to step back and remember why you chose to educate at home.  Just take time to enjoy your kids for a bit. Read some good books together. Give them some projects to do on their own. Take some breaks and enjoy lovely areas around where you live. Just reading great literature to your child is one of the best educational experiences you can give them. They learn the cadence of language, grammar, good writing skills and they learn about whatever you are reading.  It can be a great way to bridge from burn out just to spend a little time each day reading great books together.  Keep your lessons short and then go outdoors and enjoy one another.

As you lighten your own expectations and start to enjoy exploring books and the outdoors together, you are bound to feel a bit lighter.  So much more will come from your change in spirit than ever would come from getting through your curriculum. Charlotte Mason says "Education is an atmosphere, a discipline and a life." You help create the atmosphere through your own emotional state as a mom and that means you have to do what it takes to give yourself grace and rest so that you can be all you need to be to your kids. Don't give up. We ALL go through this stage of burn-out. It is a stage and you will look back on it from a different place in a few months. 

Our own expectations aren't the only thing that can weigh us down.  We can get bogged down comparing ourselves to the public school (our fantasy of what our kids would get if they went there instead) or to other homeschool moms who obviously have it all together and pin it on Pintrest to show it.  It is so hard to block out what others think, isn't it? It just hits on all our fears and gets us rolling and gives Satan a Rolodex of things to hold over our heads. We have to remind one another to block out those voices (of the public school, of family who don't support homeschooling, of our own fears) and to just take our children from A to B to C. No child is the same as another. There are developmental stages and milestones, but they hit them differently. So, we just build on what they know and add to it bit by bit without (hopefully) worrying about "should." That "should" is such a trap for us. If you just ask yourself where your child is today and where you want to go, you just take the next logical step towards that end. If they don't know their letters, start with one letter. Once they know it, move forward.

Charlotte Mason thought formal education should only begin at age six. Most of the younger years should be spent hearing wonderful literature read aloud to them and playing out doors and exploring the world. There were a few more things she did with small children, but so much of it was relational, gentle and within the natural course of the day.  Our problems can come when we model ourselves after the broken system we now have in the US and we feel we aren't doing what we ought.  That system is pushing children into academics way too early and there is fallout.  The method used is teaching to the test and that is not conducive to a life long love of learning -- or even to long term retention of facts.  If you can, try to put on blinders and just think of this process as giving your child building blocks.  What "blocks" do they have (knowledge in a given subject)? Add the next block. Don't worry about who says how many blocks they should already have. That's not important. What is important is moving along with them bit by bit.  Later you'll look back and they'll have a lot of accumulated knowledge and it will have come over time.  Children naturally learn.  We don't have to predigest knowledge for them.  They are wired by God to learn and grow.  Even children with learning challenges will learn and grow.  You can relax, and as you do, you will facilitate their learning far better than when you are tightly wound up with anxiety.  

To have some peace of mind you have to take breaks -- daily, weekly and seasonally.  By the way, that break you may have thought you had ... the one where you berated yourself and expected too much and felt disappointed and discouraged because the kids weren't doing enough and surely you were going to be the cause of their demise, that wasn't a break.  So take one now.  A real one -- an internal one -- and relax for a few days or a week and enjoy your children and dwell in Jesus and His real love for you.  Then take a half-day or a day and decide what you must do that coming week for them.  And do it -- from the renewed place you find after giving yourself a real, legitimate break.
And, you may, as we did, start having to say, "no" to things you really, really want to say, "yes" to.  And your kids may get mad at you for a time, or they may have to grieve the adjustment period.  But, if it is best for them, in the long run you have to make the decision regardless.  And you will all adjust -- and even thrive -- as a result.  More importantly than the practical aspects of making more margin in your life, you have to let go of the "shoulds."  Put on those blinders and focus on the day at hand, the children in your midst and the reserves you have to give from today.  Let go of the expectations of others and of yourself and focus on what your child knows and what they need to know.  

We get to be the educators of our children, but, please never let that calling trump your first place in their lives and hearts.  You are their mom.  They will have many educators in their lives.  They will only have one mom.  Be mom first.  This season will pass you by all too quickly.  Do what you need to in order to recharge your own battery and then do what you are able to enjoy and love your children while they are with you.  

And know you are not alone.  I'll say it again: we all experience burn-out.  Expect it as a part of the cycle of home education and don't see it as the end of the world.  God is with you.  His yoke is easy and His burden is light.  You know it is your own self-imposed burden if it is feeling too heavy.  You can cast this care on Him because He cares for you.  His strength is made perfect in your weakness.  

So You Are (Still) Thinking About Homeschooling ... (Part 2 in a series)

If you are still here after the last post on considering homeschooling (here), I am glad to hear it.  I hope you were able to spend some time pondering your motivations and praying over this decision.  It can start to feel overwhelming, I know.  It is a big deal to take this on, and yet, truly God is with you as you do.  And there is great reward that does come in due time.  I reaped some of those rewards today -- as my boys played well together and sacrificed for one another and we were able to talk through conflicts.  These are fruits of living together round-the-clock and having deep relationships with one another as a result of the lifestyle we have chosen as a family that home educates. 

So, as you know I had my list of 10 concerns you may have about homeschooling (I know, you may have 100, but I can only blog so much, you know).  In the first post I covered the questions of having a rough first year and the process of choosing curriculum and supports.  In this post I will discuss the question of juggling the needs of multiple children and I will tackle the issue of perfectionism and how being a perfectionist impacts home education. 

#3  Do you just juggle from child to child all the time?
Well, yes and no.  We all have multiple demands in our lives (even moms with one child -- never say "only" one child -- have to juggle trying to get other things done like housework, errands, commitments, etc).  I have to point out here, though, that this juggling act of motherhood is not a problem unique to home education.  I have a friend who has four children.  This year her children span ages of seven to 15 years old.  So, two are in elementary, one in Jr. High and one in High School.  They all have one extracurricular activity which requires practice and game/performance days.  Now, on a given day, she is never home on the couch eating bon-bons.  She has four different drop-off and pick up times.  Even the elementary school has two varied pick-up times (1/2 hour apart from one another) and two drop-off times.  She also volunteers in their classrooms in the elementary school at least two days a week.  It means she spends about 1 1/2 to 2 hours a day in the morning and again in the afternoon just getting her children to and from school.  Then she has the afterschool schedule.  And there is homework.  And it isn't the homework she thinks is best for each of them -- it is the homework given by someone else regardless of whether it meets her child where they need to learn.  And, top it off, now it is all Common Core aligned (don't get me started).  If I ever saw a juggler it is this friend!

So, yes, we do all juggle.  And, I think one problem I faced as a new homeschool mom (and for several years after we started) was this idea that somehow the juggling would go away or diminish (or something!).  But it remains to this day.  I have boys spread out in age.  There is a seven-year gap between them.  They are not learning together so to speak (though somehow my youngest just keeps learning what we are talking about even though I am not "trying" to teach him yet).  We will always have multiple demands -- and the more children or commitments you have, the more demands are upon you.  So, rather than feeling drawn and quartered all the time, there are some things you can do.

1. You can prioritize.  You just will have to drop some things in order to educate your children at home.  The good thing is you are dropping something right off the bat if you were in public school -- you won't have transportation and you won't have homework.  Whew.  Take a breath!  But, you will have many things on your plate and you will need to think about the needs of each child and in your own way figure how those needs can best get met in a given week or day.  I have tried different things and what I do right now is kind-of a rhythm of "filling the tank" of my younger son, then giving him something to do independently (setting out a toy or an activity) and then sitting with my older child for a bit and then we do something all together. We just go through that younger/older/together rhythm throughout our morning so that I can spread myself out and no one gets neglected. [You may want to check out my posts on living by Rhythm instead of Schedule here.]
2. You can pick as many overlapping subjects as possible.  History and Science and Read-Alouds are great areas to overlap.  For example, you can study the same time period as a whole family and the same subject in Science (such as Anatomy or Astronomy).  This will minimize you having to teach, say, the Ancient History of Egypt alongside teaching about the Civil War.  You then give your children "age-appropriate" assignments according to their capacity to learn in that subject.  There are companies like Sonlight that put out materials in this way -- you can check them out and see what they recommend and even get much of it through your local library.  We start our day with a time at the table reading the Bible, singing the hymn we are learning and doing some Scripture memory all together.  After that the boys do some morning chores and then we go into a time where my older son studies alone and I spend time with my youngest.  Then I can do something with my eldest while my younger child works independently.  Juggling?  Yep.  But, we do make it work and we are finished with this rhythm by 12:00 or 12:30 (in 6th grade) and we have lunch a quiet time in our rooms and then free time all afternoon.  So, it doesn't take up the whole day (unless my son dawdles and has to carry things over into his afternoon as a result).  Most days we are free when other families are just starting their juggling act.  
3. You can train your children to do independent work bit by bit.  My eldest is able to do a lot on his own now, but that wasn't always the case.  We practice "return narration" which is a fancy way for saying that he comes to me after he has read something and tells me all he got out of the reading.  At his age I also have him write his narration several times a week.  Even when I read to him he return narrates what he heard as well.  This training into a habit called "attention" has helped him be able to read and retain what he reads, so that he can work independently and just come back to me with what he did.  That frees me up to mop a kitchen (oh, yeah, that!), or push my preschooler on a swing, or get work done for my part-time job.  Yep, I have one of those too. 

4.  What if I am too perfectionistic?
Well, now.  I resembled that remark.  I have to say I almost wonder if God didn't get me into homeschooling for this reason alone.  I mean, He had to break me of this need to get it all perfect and to have everything and everyone around me nipped and tucked.  Homeschool was a tool in His wise and loving hands to unravel that tightly woven issue in my heart.  Truly, I was so exacting of myself and my poor son -- and again, homeschooling didn't bring this out, it just brought it to a head.  God is so sweet to work out our deepest needs in the most unexpected ways.  Over the years I have just had to learn to let go; to let loose; to let myself and my son off the hook.  It has been so good.  And so hard.  But so good.  So, if you are a perfectionist, welcome.  You can set up color-coded white boards in your homemade, Pinterest inspired schoolroom and just have at it.  And that may work for you and I hope (really) that it does if it is good for you and your children.  But, more often than not, something has to give.  We live real over here and the truth is that when we moved from having to school in one spot and check off all the boxes and I started looking at bigger picture stuff -- like do my boys love Jesus and am I cultivating a love of learning in them?  I got more and more convinced that making sure they did all the exercises in our spelling book was not the #1 issue in our home.  I am not a slacker, I'll have to say, but I needed to learn to slack a bit and it has been a blessing to each member of our family as I have.  Now, if you are Type-B and you just can. not. relate.  I am sure that there are blogs out there for you about how you do need to get out of bed and actually have a plan sometimes, etc.  But, I am not one to be able to help you much.  I thought I would drive my kids nuts with my exacting expectations and my need to have them do it all right and perfectly.  And, for a time, I did.  But, as I said, God in His mercy had a plan to break me of that and replace it with something so much more loving and effective.  So much of that nervous perfectionism comes from insecurity and fear.  The more we get comfortable in our own skin and in what we are doing as home educators, the less we worry about comparing and competing and the more we hit the mark with our kids.  And when we meet the greater goals (love of God, a sense of confidence, a love of learning) we meet the lesser goals as well (my child will be well educated and able to attend college, or whatever). 

So, know that homeschooling will require some juggling and it will be a stretching experience for you.  But, know that there is much good in being stretched and we only get to juggle for these dear children for such a short season.  If you are called to this, you will find your rhythm and you will learn to give yourself and others much grace. 

Rhythm vs. Schedule (Part III)

Just say "no."
Nancy Reagan made this slogan famous in the 1980s as she promoted sobriety through a method of refusing to give in to temptation.  In those days you could get the board game (yes, it's true) or a T-shirt, mug, even a baseball bat, all with this slogan emblazoned upon them.

In terms of time and our use (or misuse) of it, I think one of my dearest and most difficult lessons has been learning to just say, "no."  That one little word is so difficult.  I get really serious and dedicated about simplifying my life and keeping our commitments at a minimum and then I can turn around and we are chock-a-block full all over again.  How does this happen, and what is the impact spiritually?

Yesterday was a prime example: County Fair in the morning ... We met some friends there and walked through livestock pavilions, played in the children's area, saw newborn pigs suckling on their mother and spent time petting all sorts of animals.  By the time we got home we were burnt out.  We had planned to return to the Fair tonight since a friend's band was on the main stage.  I called my husband at work and said, "I don't think we should go."  We decided to provide a "consolation" to the boys and we all went out to ice cream after supper.  It was so calm and peaceful in our home tonight.  We didn't miss the Fair even though we did miss seeing our friend play guitar.  Sometimes enough is just enough.  We said "no" to a good thing and in exchange we had a really sweet night of connection as a family and we will all got to bed on time and be fresh for the rest of the week 

In my twenties as I made my way through graduate school, we lived near the beach and met with friends regularly to play volleyball.  One afternoon when I should have been working hard making progress on a reading list or writing my thesis, we got invited to meet friends for a game on the sand.  We got there and only one other person showed up.  I walked to the edge of the water and asked myself why I had felt compelled to go to this game instead of staying the course and getting work done.  I realized I just didn't want to miss out on anything.  In my heart I longed to be included and to get everything I could out of life.  That longing was driving me to over-commit and keep a schedule that left me frazzled and scattered.

It has taken years to learn what that day revealed.  The glimmer of a lesson started that day, but years later I still struggled with saying "yes" when I should say "no."  Reasons for "yes" abound and not all of them come from a healthy place in the heart.  When we get down to it, there is only one reason we need to say "yes" to things and that is that it lines up with what we know God has for us in this day, hour or season. 

Two summers ago my husband and I went through a process of defining our family's mission and vision.  It sounds really nerdy, I know, but I found this wonderful book by Tsh Oxenrider called Organized Simplicity.  In it there is a list of really good questions to help you define your mission.  My husband is not a "let's define our mission" kind of guy, so I had to corner him on long drives to our summer camping trips.  He was a sport.  We answered these questions and through the process we came up with our mission and it has helped us greatly.  We have an idea of what we are about as a family and what each person is being called to by God.  We are now able to say "yes" and (sometimes more importantly) "no" to opportunities by filtering them through our mission. 

Spiritually, our ability to sort and discern has left us what is commonly called, "margin."  And in that margin we have breathing room which means we can serve people when we see needs around us or even, as we did tonight, turn the whole plan around and go in another direction without causing havoc. 

What is it that keeps you from saying "no" more often?  Or, if you have been learning more about the blessings of healthy limits and knowing your purpose, I'd love to hear about that too. 

Rhythm vs. Schedule (Part II)

But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.

Crowds were hearing about Him.  They clamored for His touch - healing, cleansing, authoritative.

But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.  Luke highlights this aspect of Jesus' purposeful life.  In the midst of chaos, real needs and demands, He withdrew -- regularly and often -- to pray.

He is our Master and our Teacher and He was also living the perfect, sinless life.  He withdrew to pray -- to find communion (experience intimacy with the Father and the Holy Spirit).  He withdrew to clarify and refresh.  He may also have withdrawn to leave us a pattern.  If He, sinless and perfect, did this, what do I need to do in the midst of chaos and demands?  Are my demands greater than His?  What makes me hesitant to let go of these demands and withdraw to a lonely place and pray?  He is inviting and instructing me to do so ... often.

I will confess one thing.  There are times, more often than not, with two crazy-normal boys in my home when I do think I am the very key to stability in the home.  If I withdraw and pray, what on earth will happen short of 9-1-1 being called in following a great "idea" of my younger son being implemented in my absence?  But that is not the only thing.  There is more.  I fill my time with other things.  I could withdraw and pray, but I do something else.  I let the mundane overshadow the essential and eternal.  Somehow we all lean towards filling a jug to the brim with water and wondering why we can't fit all the big rocks in on top.  What happens when we put the rocks in first?  There is a miraculous truth about time: when we put the important in first, there is room for what else needs to be added.  But, when we get it backwards, we just don't have room.
Watch this. 

Just before this revelation about the importance of prayer and solitude in Jesus' earthly life, we see the people ask Jesus to stay with them and He tells them, "I must proclaim the good news of the kingdom of God to the other towns also, because that is why I was sent."  Jesus knew His purpose.  He wasn't swayed.  He graciously gave to people, but He didn't let their agenda and expectations pull Him away from His purpose.  He knew why He was sent.  Do I know why I am sent?  What is my purpose?  Surely Jesus states several purposes of His own earthly life in various parts of Scripture and He lived out each of these.  But, He remains true to this: I can do only what I see my Father doing.  I don't think we can fairly say that Jesus had an "edge" on us so that somehow we just can't do what He did.  Yes, He had communion with the Father in a way we can only hope to have, but He has promised us that we too can have access to the Spirit and the Father as He does.  To have that access we must do what He did.  We must withdraw to lonely places and pray often.

Jesus did what He saw the Father doing.  God is still doing something in our midst.  He is actively doing things all around each of us.  He is engaged in the world -- not just the world "over there," but the world right here.  Right here is an opportunity to do what we see the Father doing and in your life, in my life, He has very specific opportunities for each of us.  We only need eyes to see and a heart to join Him.  He invites us to include Him and to be included.  This is communion and this is purpose: to engage with Him as we wipe snotty noses or listen to the simple things our children want to share with us or hear a friend pour out a burden or smile at someone who is downcast.  It doesn't have to be earth-shattering.  God said whoever gives a cup of water in His name will not lose their reward.  We join Him when we settle into our calling here-and-now.  We can be in Him and with Him where we are because He has planted us here for such a time as this.  We can bring Him to those around us merely by abiding and listening and then responding.  This is living by rhythm and it is the abundant life He came to give us. 

Rhythm vs. Schedule

Time.  We spend it; we want more of it; we rush through it; we try to make it last. 

We meet and walk or text and talk and so many tell me about how little they have and how stressed out they are trying to just live life at THIS PACE. 

Something Charlotte Mason said is that the pendulum swings each second no matter how we occupy that given tick of time. 

“Here, again, is an illustration of that fable of the anxious pendulum, overwhelmed with the thought of the number of ticks it must tick. But the ticks are to be delivered tick by tick, and there will always be a second of time to tick in." 

That same second ticks -- anxious or not -- preoccupied or relaxed.   Imagine Jesus.  He lived 33 short years and He never seemed in a hurry nor did He get harried.  He was measured.  He took time alone with God.  He spent time with friends.  He had important work to do and demands at every turn.  He had enemies and opposition.  What made the difference for Jesus? 

I was walking with a woman I mentor Saturday morning and we were discussing time and the difference between a schedule and a rhythm. We know there must be commitments, but how do we meet those without being in a rush? When we sift through our heart we see reasons we over-commit.  Sometimes how we go about living is what causes our distress.  It isn't having much to do but HOW we go about our "to do" list that can create life-suffocation.  

I find that when I seek Communioin (intimacy with Jesus) in each thing, I take a different approach altogether:

Abiding rather than doing,

Being present rather than staying busy.

Rhythm is a way of going about life from A to B to C while being mindful of God in each moment.  Schedule is about lining up tasks and appointments and checking them off as I go through my day.  Rhythm allows for my needs to be met and the needs of those whom God has sent my way.  Schedule is less concerned with needs than events and performance.  Why do I sometimes get caught in schedule and fail to trust rhythms?  

Fears and habits can propel us to live frenetically.  What is driving me to live as I do?  Am I trusting God to provide both the calling and the means to fulfill it?  Am I seeking Him to help me order my time and my choices?  

When I live for Him and in Him and with Him, I can sort out my "yes" and "no" answers.  I can see what is essential and what is peripheral.  Heavy burdens are made light when I turn to Him with my schedule and ask Him to help me find rhythm.  I can have a full life without feeling stuffed and strangled.