Welcome to Day 13 of Parenting Pointers and Mommy Refreshers.
My heart is to bless you this month
as I write 31 days filled with nuggets of parenting wisdom. Each one is followed by a refresher to help
you fix your eyes on Jesus and let your burdens go to Him. Sit with God in this moment. Find a place where you can breathe and hear
from Him.
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Today’s
Parenting Pointer
“Mom, Look!”
Every child
shouts it from the playset, from their craft area, from the ball field: “Mom,
Look!” They long for us show our delight
in them. Each achievement gives us an
opportunity to cheer them on.
If you had a
cheerleader mom, you know how she helped give you confidence and built in you a
sense that you had something to offer out of your unique self. On the other hand, if you had a mom who was
less than attentive or encouraging, you know how that lack travels with you
through life. God, being the Great
Redeemer, will send others who fill those shoes in due season, but the original
void somehow remains – even if only as a shadow.
I’m
reminding us because now we hold the torch.
We have the privilege and responsibility to be that voice in our child’s
life and heart. We get to say “Way to
go!” and smile as they stand an inch taller (not from pride, but sweet confidence)
and help them know someone is in their corner, loving them well as they stretch
their wings and do new things or just as they exist – being just who they
are.
I want to share
what I’ve been doing lately. It’s
sort-of a spiritual discipline in a way.
I’m watching. I’m simply watching
my children. Now, part of this comes to
me because of my age. I’m a nearly 48
year old mom of a 5-year-old. I had my
children later in life. My oldest son
was born when I was 35. My youngest when
I was 42. I’m old enough to be someone’s
grandma – even my youngest son’s. All
that life experience has taught me a few things. First of all, you realize how
fast seasons fly by. Next you realize
that the big things are big and most things don’t fit in that category – at all. I may not have the energy I had in my 20s,
but I have the wisdom and patience (most of the time) I surely lacked then.
So, I’m
watching. While my son is sitting eating
an evening snack and chatting on about the imaginary games he and his friends
played that afternoon, I’m listening.
Beyond the listening I am just soaking in his essence. I’m memorizing the moment and taking in the
sweetness of what God made in him – exuberance, fearlessness, joy and a passion
for life and people. I’m praising God
for this boy as I sit in awe that I could be a mother and this boy could be my
son.
Childhood is
a magnifying glass. You know it. The sights, smells, sounds and places of
childhood remain past their season. They
form us and are larger than life. When I
watch my son I see the world through his lens – I stoop low into his childhood
and I see the world the way he sees it.
I know him better and I love God more through this watching.
Sometimes my
watching involves staying near when I could do something else. We go to a park playdate with a bunch of
other mommies. You know the temptation
to go chat and fill my own tank by getting in some girlfriend time. There is absolutely nothing wrong with
that. But, sometimes I need to be
present for my son. I forgo the
opportunity to socialize and I run with him on the playground. We teeter-totter and I push him on the
swing. We race down the slides and I
catch the moment knowing it is zooming by and I have held something precious by
choosing well. I’ll never regret
spending those times with him. Never.
With my
older son, my watching takes a different form.
He straddles boyhood and the young manhood looming on the near horizon. He likes to talk about his interests and they
aren’t always on my list of top ten things I want to discuss – like reconstructing
his scooter, the latest Percy Jackson novel or how he wants to save money for
an IPhone in a few years. But I
listen. I give him my undivided
attention knowing that his days here with us are shifting like sand and before
I know it he’ll be off to college and looking for a job and meeting a girl and …
so today I watch. I show him he matters
by simply being present. I watch this boy-man whom I cradled only a few short years ago. I watch the intricacies of his personality
grow into dynamic facets of individuality and independence. I watch him get passionate and focused. I get a front-row seat to the unfolding of
what God put in him and is now drawing out.
I don’t want to miss an instant of it by being too preoccupied with
things that just don’t really matter or last.
There is one
more lesson I’ve taken from being a bit older.
People will have a number of friends.
Workplaces will have numerous workers.
Our country has millions of citizens.
My church has many members. My
children only have one mother. I don’t
shirk those other responsibilities, but I keep that perspective in mind. God made it that way. I am the only wife my husband will have
(God willing) and the only woman these two boys will call, “Mom.”
I encourage
you to watch your children. Take them in
like a magnificent sunset – appreciating all the hues of their unique personalities.
Savor the goodness of what God has given you in each child and cherish the
precious gift of motherhood.
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Be
Refreshed
Pruning
Yesterday I shared about the year I
soaked in John 15 and I encouraged you to respond to the invitation to
abide. There is another part of that
section of God’s Word that I don’t want to pass by. It is this:
I am the True Vine and My Father is the Vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit. … These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you and that your joy may be made full.
So far my refreshers have been very
warm-fuzzy, get your good slippers and a cup of tea and cozy up with Jesus kind
of moments. But this one, well, it may
not sit that way at first. I didn’t want
to overlook it, though. A partial look
at scripture is skewed and incomplete and leaves us feeling jipped
somehow.
So here I go where some angels may fear
to tread …
The first part of the verses here
may cause us to run and hide like Adam and Eve and start stitching leaves
ASAP: “Every branch in Him that doesn’t
bear fruit He takes away.” I don’t know
about you, but my knee-jerk reaction is, “Oh no! I’m sure I haven’t born fruit,”
or “Maybe my fruit isn’t good enough.” The
temptation is to get busy for Jesus just so He won't throw us away.
There are a few things wrong with this
unconscious theology (not my term, but I sure love it!). First of all, we are promised that no one
will snatch us from His hand. We are
also promised that nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus
and we are promised He will never leave us nor forsake us. Beyond that we are told that He did all the
work it took to secure our salvation – all we have to do is believe and
receive. So what IS this verse talking
about?
Well, I did some digging, and in a
nutshell, the old experts who wrote commentaries (like Matthew Henry) say that
those who are “in Him” and don’t bear fruit are usually those who profess Him,
but haven’t formed a relationship with Him.
In other words, back to yesterday's post, they aren’t abiding. You know the
church-going people who love the church and get busy for the church and even
pray and lead MOPS groups? Some of them
are not in touch with Jesus. Shockaroo,
I know. I’ve been there – working hard
to earn what was already given freely - longing for belonging but missing the
heart of God. Let me assure you if you
are worried about whether you are “in” you are already His. People who are not committed to Jesus don’t
stress about it. But, if you relate to attempting to bear fruit without abiding, I get that too. Slow down, sweet sister, and follow His way ... cut the busyness and abide. Don't worry, He won't cut you off. Just the opposite will happen. That abiding is His priority. You will be obeying His Word and His heart behind that word. Then your actions will have deep roots.
I just want you to know this verse
about “not bearing fruit and being cut off” is not for the Christ
follower.
So what is? Well, it’s this pruning. Ugh. I
know. There’s a promise here and it isn’t
one we want to hear. We will be pruned. Even the fruitful branches.
Every winter I go in my garden and I
whack my roses back till they are bare branches sticking up out of the ground,
exposed, fruitless, even ugly.
And for
months they sit there, looking abandoned and useless. If they could speak they’d probably cry out
against this gardener who used to just trim off a few leaves here and there –
ones they didn’t want anyway - and who would admire their blooms and pick some
to put right on the dinner table. This
same gardener does this lopping with shears and cuts back EVEN THE FRUITFUL
BRANCHES. It seems nearly cruel, except,
when you know the heart of the gardener.
I cut my roses back so that they may bear even more fruit. The coming year as they start to come out of
this dormancy they have fresh, healthy leaves where older parched ones were
growing.
They have blooms that come in
more readily and profusely than before and I can enjoy that rose bush even more
than ever.
So it is with us. Expect it.
God will prune us – just when we think all is well and those ducks are
lined up the way they ought to be and the bills are paid and the kids are
behaving and our ministry is soaring.
Just then He will prune.
Remember, then, the heart of the Gardener. He prunes you that you may bear even more
fruit. What He cuts away needs to be
removed to make room for the new thing He is doing. Yes, you feel exposed, vulnerable, empty,
unproductive, but in due season this will pass.
He tells us all of this so His joy may be in us and our joy may be
complete. Knowing that pruning is a part
of His loving care helps us to expect it and to keep it in perspective when it
comes – and it will come regularly. It
is His way and His way is good.
P.S. I promise you can take out the
slippers and the tea again tomorrow.
Photos of roses pruned, budding and blooming courtesy of Pinterestl; Slipper Feet courtesy of Bing Images.
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